Through Dean's head
by Sorrynotpostinghereanymore
Summary: My take on what went through Dean's head after the season 12 finale. One-shot with some destiel and samleen. SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


Dean's head was spinning, his mind couldn't process it, he still couldn't think that it was real. But it was, it happened, and no matter how much he tried to deny it, it still didn't change a thing. It had been a week since Lucifer's son was born, and Sam and him barely escaped the kid with their lives. Sam was in the main part of the bunker doing a lot of research, which was all he ever did becides eat, he barely got any sleep. Dean was in his room sitting on his bed thinking, he hated what happened, and he vowed to kill that child with all of his mite, even if it killed him. He had lost too much, his Mother, Cas, Crowley, Eileen, and Rowena. All he had now was his brother, and with his luck, he figured it's only a matter of time before he lost him too.

Eileen was a good friend, and a pretty good hunter. It was obvious that her and Sam had a thing, and that her death was probably even worse for his little brother.

Rowena's death was kind of stupid, and he didn't like her that much, she was a bit of a trouble maker, but dying at Lucifer's hands would suck.

Crowley , was a man he didn't like at first, and still got on his nerves, but he died saving him and his family. So, he never would have guessed that he would be sad about his death, since Crowley was always kind of a pain in the ass.

Loosing his Mother once was more than enough, but loosing her twice is something that he can't take. It terrified him, thinking of his Mother getting stuck in that other dimention or whatever it was, and her probably getting killed by Lucifer. He loved his Mother, and it kind of reminded him of the pain of when Sam died for the first time, but he's not going to sell his soul, he learned that's not the route the hard way, and that's not what his Mother would want.

Then there was Cas. Even though he thought it was a little weird, it was always true that him and Cas shared a very strong bond. Dean still didn't know why, but he really liked Cas, and I mean, really liked Cas. Not a very easy task for Dean to admit though, because Cas is a man, and he's not gay. Then, Dean always remembered, that Cas isn't a man persay, and was a angel, which doesn't really have a gender. Still, it was weird for him to admit and his death really got him thinking about how much he cared about him.

It made him relize how much he cared about all these people, really. Eileen, Mary, and Cas were like family, and he knew he loved them, and Crowley and Rowena were people he never knew he would cry if they died. Their death also proved that once again, Sam is all Dean is going to have because everyone else dies, and even Sam has died.

But no matter how much Dean loves Sam, he still wants his Mother, Cas, and everyone else who has died because of him. At this point, the only thing that keeps Dean from putting a bullet in his head himself, is Sam. If Dean were to loose Sam, he swears to God his will end his life himself. But he couldn't do it now, not when he must take care of his little brother, because he's not going to fail at that ever again.

Dean's head was still spinning, he wanted to bring everyone back, but the consequences of that were too high, and they wouldn't want him or Sam too trade their lives for theirs. So Dean promised them, everyone whi died to save him, that he will stay strong for them.

Dean got up from his bed, left his room, and joined Sam in researching on the devils new child.

OoOoO

 **This is just a short one-shot I wanted to make after seeing the season 12 finale.**

 **I don't know much about Eileen, and Rowena since I've seen bits and pieces of them on screen because everyone in my house loves this show and I just started so I know probably too much about what happens from watching the show with them. So I'm sorry if it shows that I don't know much about Rowena and Eileen, I really tried and even looked up their name to see what I got.**

 **I'm thinking of doing another one-shot that's like this, only it's Sam's version of what he thinks, please tell me in the reviews if you would like to see that or not, or just tell me what you think, I really love to see your guys' feedback.**

 **Thank you so much for reading!**

 **-ReaganTonie**


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